Matchmakers vs. Dating Apps - Five Rounds of Differences
Rock ‘em, sock ‘em. Let’s get into it!
Looking to date?
I’m happy to say that you, dear reader, have - right now - more dating opportunities than any human ever has before throughout all recorded history. And this is true despite the fact that we are all collectively dating during a global pandemic.
Pandemic aside, dating apps have been a massive contributor to increasing everyone’s dating options. In Aziz Ansari’s book, “Modern Romance”, he touches on how this new, incredible volume of potential dating partners has fundamentally affected how we approach the process. With so much perceived abundance, each match leaves us asking ourselves, “this person looks good, but are they good enough?”
I call this Dating FOMO.
Our fear of missing out on a better match is actually by design. Venture capitalists pour millions of dollars into dating apps because they understand how addictive FOMO can become.
COVID-19 has added a level of complexity to modern dating, so I’ve decided to compare two very different ways to meet people. Our first contender is matchmaking. Matchmaking has been around since the Middle Ages, first appearing on the scene to assist families with arranged marriages. Matchmaking has recently enjoyed a resurgence as an alternative to the data-driven approaches of companies like eHarmony, Tinder, Bumble, and Hinge. Matchmaking tends to be the preferred approach for busy professionals wary of outsourcing chemistry and compatibility to an app on their phone.
Dating apps, however, have proven themselves to be a worthy opponent for the traditional matchmaker. Driven by massive amounts of data and powerful algorithms, they first arrived on the scene around 1994 with the launch of Kiss.com. Think “You’ve Got Mail” with Meg Ryan and Tom Hanks without the ear-piercing dial-up tones of AOL. Dating apps have become incredibly popular because they’re often free and easy to use. They do present their own unique challenges, like ghosting, catfishing, and being banned. Because they are designed for engagement, expect to spend a significant amount of time swiping in the search to find a connection.
Our two competitors are getting ready for a five-round fight. I’ll declare the winner of each round based on their performance in each of these categories:
Intentions
Compatibility
Time & Energy
Privacy & Safety
Cost
Intentions
“What are you looking for?” is a question we all get while dating. Online profiles commonly say, “No Hookups” or “Not looking for anything serious.” But what about the profiles that say neither? Are we left to take a leap and just hope they have similar intentions as ours?
Aligned intentions + Chemistry = A great date
When it comes to dating apps we are often blind to the intentions of the person on the other side of the screen. Misalignment takes the form of catfishing, people looking for polyamorous three-ways, dating app users being secretly married, and scams of all shapes and sizes. Even if a person on (insert dating app here) says they are looking for a serious relationship, how can we be certain that’s true?
As a matchmaker, intentions are the first thing we discuss when interviewing a person. My clients, as well as members of my free matchmaking database, have been personally vetted by me. They are interested in finding a serious partner, not a hookup.
Hands down, matchmakers get this one for intentional dating.
Round One: Matchmakers: 1 / Dating Apps: 0
Compatibility
It’s no secret that dating apps like Tinder and Bumble use an algorithm for their matches. They evaluate your profile, assign a number of factors to rank it, and then decide who in turn is shown your profile.
Talk about being at the mercy of the algorithm.
A 2019 article, states women spend between 3.19-6.91 seconds on average before swiping left or right on a dating profile photo. While men spend around 5.7-6.26 seconds doing the same.
How much can one really learn about a person in a matter of seconds? And it begs the question, would you consider them for the same amount of time in person?
Of course you wouldn’t.
There are some apps with a better quality of matches. Coffee Meets Bagel introduces several new users to you every day at 12 pm. It gives a bit more in-depth question prompts, and also attempts to find matches upon your specific preferences (ie. if you’re mother is preferring you marry a nice Jewish girl).
Compatibility and alignment on life plans are imperative for a long-lasting relationship. At Dating After Divorce, we match individuals based upon location, family planning, core values, religion, finances, political affiliation, independence, and sexual frequency to name a few.
To put in plainly, we save people time and energy.
This one is a tough call, but it is my professional opinion that with some digging and patience, you can find a compatible partner on a dating app.
Round Two: Matchmakers: 1 / Dating Apps: 1
Time & Energy
We can all agree there’s never enough time in a day. After all, time is a thing we can’t get back.
Time put in + Nothing to show = Wasted energy
“I’m tired of starting a conversation with people online, just to see it not go anywhere.” This is overheard across countless happy hour conversations among friends regarding dating apps.
When it comes to online dating, individuals across the board are tired of feeling like their time and energy is wasted on “dead ends”.
When I meet new people and they inquire about what exactly a matchmaker does, I’m often asked “Why can’t your clients find dates for themselves?”
I compare it to mowing the lawn.
Yes, you read that correctly.
Some people, like my 100 lb mother, love to cut their grass. She finds it relaxing. I find it mildly amusing. Love ya, Mom! I, on the other hand, hate mowing the grass. So, I outsource it to my landscaper. Thanks, Todd!
Matchmaking is similar in that regard. The people I typically work with are busy professionals who often don’t have the time and energy it takes to play secretary for their personal lives. So, after several in-depth discussions and a background check, they are left to enjoy the fun part of getting to know someone.
Interested in learning more about the other benefits that come along with being matched? Check out our matchmaking database entry form here.
When it comes to time and energy, dating apps fall short in meeting the cut.
Round Three: Matchmakers: 2 / Dating Apps: 1
Privacy & Safety
Physical safety should always be a concern when meeting someone for the first time. In case you’re in need of a few helpful reminders on ways to stay safe on a date, please find them here.
For those meeting people online, here is a little information to keep you safe as well. Did you know that the photos you take can reveal detailed GPS coordinates? This is important for those on dating apps, as individuals may be able to extract the metadata from your photo file and find the location where the photo was taken.
Pretty freaky, right?
Don’t worry, I’ve found a solution! For future posts on dating apps, or social media in general - I suggest using this free service EXIFPurge. It’s very user friendly and takes off all the data otherwise found on that photo. (Apologies this is only for Mac users.)
Click your photo in Finder
At the top corner it says ‘Preview’
Go to ‘Tools ‘
Show Inspector
Select (i)
Select GPS
Viola! There is the photo location.
EXIFPurge will walk you through the steps to remove the metadata quickly and effectively.
Want more dating tips and resources? Sign up for my free newsletter here.
Clients I match, know that their information is safe and confidential. No information is shared with outside parties without their consent. This is especially useful for people with a higher profile or are otherwise unable to use public dating sites because of their occupation. All of my clients go through background checks and are vetted by me personally.
Hands down, matchmaking takes the cake in the privacy round.
Round Four: Matchmakers: 3 / Dating Apps: 1
Cost
Most dating apps have free and paid versions. Paid features usually have benefits of seeing who likes you, unlimited swiping, etc. Dating sites like Match.com tend to have more serious users who are taking advantage of the paid features, which often correlates to their seriousness of finding a partner.
As with most things, you tend to get what you pay for.
When it comes to the cost of matchmaking, it is comparatively more expensive than dating apps. However, when it comes to cost, when you factor in time and money spent on incompatibile dates it’s a drop in the bucket.
Financially speaking, online dating apps are much more adorable.
Final Score
Round Five: Matchmakers: 3 / Dating Apps: 2
Matchmakers win!
So, there you have it, the five rounds of matchmakers vs. dating apps!
