5 Ways to Date With Confidence Post Divorce (or Breakup)

“You Are Not the Only Nervous Person on The Date!”

I get it, ladies and gents. Dating after a divorce is something that you never in a million years thought you would be doing. When you entered your last long-term relationship, you had nothing but full intentions of being with them for the rest of your life. However, sometimes relationships just don’t work out the way you want them to. That’s okay! It’s important to remember that this does not have any direct reflection on your ability to find love again.

If you’re ready to move forward in your life and take the leap back into the dating scene, you might feel out of place and nervous. Do you know that saying “just like riding a bike”? We can all agree it does not apply here. At least not at first.

Because of this common mindset, I have comprised a list of dating tips that will help you along your new dating journey. These are simple and highly effective tips that will allow you to feel more relaxed, prepared, and ready to enter into this new stage of your life with complete and utter confidence.

 “Alright, alright, alright”. Shall we begin? 

Decide to Have Fun

First and foremost, go into this first date with the intention of having fun no matter how it plays out. Shaping your perspective on your next date to be fun and light-hearted can drastically lift the mood for both you and the person you’re out with. Overall, allow yourself to enjoy your time out and soak in the experience for all that it has to offer. 

The best way to do this is by legitimately telling yourself that you will have a fun time, regardless if the person is an ideal match or not. In short, fun first, and if the person you are on a date with aligns with your core values and life goals, then that’s a bonus. Taking the stress off yourself about this date being “the one” makes you feel less pressure to be perfect, and more likely for you to enjoy yourself. 

Here are a few do’s and don’ts of first date etiquette check.

Be Prepared with Some Go-To Questions

Is your biggest first date fear running out of things to talk about? You can combat this by having some open-ended questions on hand. Having a few go-to questions will spark meaningful conversation and help you get to know the person you’re out with. Some great go-to questions to keep in mind would be:

• What is your passion in life?

• What is your favorite place on earth?

• What do you like to do in your free time?

• Where do you see yourself in 5 years? 10 years?

• What’s something embarrassing that happened growing up?

Don’t Make It an Interview

There is a difference between making a real connection with someone organically vs. making the date feel like an interview. A great tip for getting back out there is to focus on enjoying each other’s company and going with the flow for this first date. Conversations about deal breakers are okay, as you’re learning about each other.

“There is a difference between making a real connection with someone organically vs. making the date feel like an interview.”

But remember, be yourself, have fun, and observe how well you both interact with each other without placing your date in the hot seat.

Need some reminders? Check out how not to have an “interview first date” by Bustle.

You Are Not the Only Nervous Person on The Date

Though this may be your first date, remember that this is the other person's first time meeting you as well. Because of that, they are probably just as nervous as you are. It is normal to feel nervous and vulnerable on a first date. Just about every person meeting someone for the first time has some degree of anxiety. Understanding this early on can help you recognize those mutual anxious feelings and feel much more confident in knowing that you are not alone.

In case you’re in need of a reminder, here are 22 ways to remind yourself that you are worthy of love again. 

Don’t Try So Hard

Putting in the effort to make a genuine connection may be necessary, but it does not mean you have to over exert yourself so much that you feel mentally exhausted by the end of your first date. As someone recently single, I know that you have a burning itch to fill in the gaps that were missing in your last marriage so the same outcome does not happen again. But trying too hard and forcing a connection is not the way to do that. Don't rush the process, and don't push yourself so much that it makes relationship building feel like a chore.

“Don’t rush the process, and don’t push yourself so much that it makes relationship building feel like a chore.”

Again, go into this date being nothing but yourself and recognize that you do not have anything to prove. When the right match comes along, you will know.

If you’d like a little more detail on the difference between being outgoing and a peacock check out my article Confident vs. Cocky.  

Final Thoughts - Everyone Deserves Happiness

In summary, dating after a divorce is no easy step to take. Going on a first date can send just about anyone’s anxiety levels to the moon and back. Even more so going into the process blindly. But this does not have to be an overwhelmingly scary or nerve-wracking time. In fact, it can be downright exciting! The best way to have that favorable experience is to mentally position yourself beforehand to walk into this new chapter of your life with confidence.

A divorce or breakup can send you on a rollercoaster of emotions, but that does not make you any less worthy of being happy and finding love again. Everyone deserves happiness, and sometimes those debilitating, heartbreaking experiences in life are the very stepping stones that can lead you down a path to something quite beautiful.

It’s time to pivot, baby! You got this! 

Are you having a hard time navigating the single scene? Check out our article Matchmaker vs. Dating Apps where we talk about 5 major differences between the two.