3 Signs You’re A Post-Divorce Rebound
Divorces are like snowflakes — every one is different.
Some divorces are wrapped up quickly and efficiently while others take years to finalize. A surveyby Nolo.com found that the average time it took to complete a divorce was about 11 months.
This explains a common question I hear during my coaching sessions, “Is it OK for me to start dating if my divorce isn’t done?”
Yes, a thousand times yes, it’s OK! But dating after a divorce takes time, and depending on what you’re looking for you might not be in the same place as the person sitting across from you.
Enter the post-divorce rebound.
What is a post-divorce rebound?
A post-divorce rebound is someone that a divorcee uses to get over their ex. They play the role of a physical distraction, so the divorcee does not have to process the issues of their previous relationship.
Here are 3 signs that YOU are someone’s post-divorce rebound:
They’re all in too quickly.
They only make last-minute plans.
They don’t answer questions about anything personal.
They’re all in too quickly
New relationships are incredibly exciting.
If you’ve experienced the throw caution to the wind – I haven’t felt like this since high school – kind of attraction in your dating after divorce life then I am talking TO YOU!
Getting out of a loveless/sexless marriage into something new can make anyone act like Tom Cruise on Oprah’s couch. The fact of the matter is, that there are many people who jump directly into another relationship INSTEAD of processing the traumatic experience most divorces are to start their healing.
By the way, I have a free reflection journal for that.
They only make last-minute plans
As adults, we have much busier lives than when we were single in our twenties.
Most of us are working 40+ hours a week, co-parenting or solo parenting while trying to keep a healthy balance of working out, self-care, and seeing friends and family.
We don’t have time for bullsh*t. By bullsh*t, I mean someone who makes a lackluster effort to make plans with you.
My suggestion? The next time they send a last-minute “You free to grab a drink?” text respond back “I’m busy tonight. But I’d love it if you could plan something for us (insert day here).”
They don’t answer questions about anything personal
Someone who is on the rebound after their divorce jumps into a new relationship so they don’t have to process old emotions and issues. Thus, they’re not going to be able to answer certain questions like, “why didn’t it work out with your ex?”
If they do it will be vague answers like “because he/she’s crazy”.
People like this will often say things that are emotionally exploitative like “You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve you.”
If you are a rebound and it’s not what you’re looking for, please don’t be too hard on yourself. One of my favorite quotes about life is that most of us are just doing the best we can. At the end of the day, you don’t know what you don’t know, but you can learn and grow from it.
Is it okay to rebound after divorce?
Absolutely. But, please keep in mind that most people who are rebounding after their divorce are NOT emotionally available.
My advice? Proceed with caution.
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