When do you Ask For Their Number?
Getting back into the dating game post-divorce (or after the breakup of a long-term relationship) is nerve-wracking.
Not only are things a lot different than they used to be, but you’ve also spent the entirety of the pandemic stuck at home. Your small talk is getting pretty rusty, and the thought of chatting with a complete stranger for an hour or two probably sounds more difficult than climbing Mount Everest!
But here’s the thing — like all people you want a deep connection with someone you care about, and someone who cares about you. So this means opening up the App Store on your phone and downloading one of the many dating apps currently available (click here for my Hinge Review or here for my Tinder review).
So you open up your brand new dating app and get to swiping. But what happens after you get a match and start messaging with them through the app?
If you’re currently dating you know very well that dating apps are where most conversations begin and end. The longer you’re talking to someone on a dating app, the less likely it is that you two will ever have an in-person meeting.
So how do you seal the deal and move off the app and into real life?
I’ve run countless dating apps for my male and female clients. I’ve found that messaging with matches for about 5–7 days is the sweet spot before asking for their number. If there has been a fair amount of messages exchanged, I suggest taking the conversation offline for texting or a call.
If the messages have been sporadic and not much is evolving in the conversation, I give it 10 days maximum. After that, I put it in my “thanks, but no thanks” tab (let’s be honest, you’re looking for a date and not a pen-pal).
How do you ask to switch to texting or a call?
Once you’ve talked for a bit on the app, initiate the next step by saying, “Hey, I’ve really enjoyed getting to know you a bit. Would you like to switch to texting or a call?”
If they say yes that’s great! If not, that’s okay too!
**Remember, a google voice phone number is your best friend while dating safely. It’s free to download.**
How soon is too soon to ask for their number?
If you just started chatting with someone on a dating app and there haven’t been enough messages exchanged for them to feel like they know a bit about you, then they will not feel comfortable giving their number. Nor should they.
There is nothing that scares off a match (especially a female) faster than if you make no effort to get to know them and just ask for their number right away.
How Long Should You Wait To Ask To Meet Up In Person?
According to a pre-pandemic study associated with Happn, 58 % of dating app users will wait up to 30 days for an in-person meeting.
Going out right away is not in everyone’s comfort zone, so I suggest this order:
Match on a dating app.
Switch to texting after 5–7 days.
Set up a phone call (or FaceTime) after a day or two of texting.
Enjoy a quick chat (keep up under 30 mins, so you have things to talk about on your first date). Remember to keep this conversational — this isn’t an interview!
After the chat, ask them when they’re available - ex. “I’d love to take you out sometime. When are you free?”
Friendly Reminder
If/when you do get someone’s number do NOT call them back to back if they do not answer. Do not send text after text after text if they don’t respond to your first one. You will look crazy. They will not talk to you again. Also, it’s common courtesy to ask someone when they’re free to chat through text, as opposed to just calling them out of the blue. Don’t be a weirdo!
Until next time, happy dating my friend!
