Top 7 Bad Dating Habits You Need to Break
We all like to talk about how the dating scene is “trash”, but never want to admit our own bad dating habits. Here are the top 7 bad dating habits that I routinely see, along with some helpful suggestions on how to stop doing them right now.
Swiping with no intent of messaging.
Texting (or messaging on apps) for weeks before meeting in person.
Putting no effort into your appearance for a date.
Not asking for outside opinions on your profile.
Ghosting.
Becoming negative about dating.
Not having a dating strategy.
Swiping with no intent of messaging
Let’s say you have a dating app (or two) that you’re swiping on without any intention of responding to a conversation with the person on the other end.
Maybe you’re looking for an ego boost.
Maybe you’re bored.
Whatever it is, if you're not interacting with the person who matches with you then you’re wasting your time and theirs.
Action: If you’re feeling exhausted with a dating app, put your profile on pause or “sleep mode” as some apps allow you to take a break without being penalized by the algorithm. The dating scene will still be there when you get back.
Texting (or messaging on apps) for weeks before meeting In Person
The longer you communicate with someone online the more likely it is that you’ll build a false idea of your potential date.
I’m not saying go out the exact same day you match with someone (although I’ve done it).
The truth is that you won’t get a real idea of who someone is unless you’re able to interact with them offline. You want to gauge their demeanor, facial expressions, sense of humor, how they treat the wait staff — all of the things you CAN'T do online. Alternatively, if there are safety or health concerns that are holding you back do the next best thing — schedule a video call to see if they look like their pictures and figure out if there is the slightest bit of chemistry.
Action: Meet in person as soon as you feel comfortable. You’ll actually spend way less time and energy seeing if that person is okay for a second date over a quick drink as opposed to investing weeks of “vetting” via text. Because — by that time — we both know that you’re just stringing them along.
Putting no effort into your appearance for a date
“You only get one shot.” – Eminem.
Mr. Mathers was right. When it comes to first impressions, you only get one. The bare minimum you can do on a date is to show up looking presentable. I had a client tell me a while back that her date showed up to a first date in cargo shorts and tennis shoes. Another told me he took his date to a music event at a museum and she looked like she hadn’t bothered to brush her hair.
Putting the effort into getting ready for a date not only speaks about yourself, but also your attitude towards your date.
Action: If you show up in a tracksuit, your ass better be running to get us some tacos.
Ghosting
You’ve done it. I’ve done it. We’ve both had it done to us and when it does it sucks.
When ghosting happens to you it leaves you asking questions about your actions, running through scenarios of what you might have said/done to scare them off. The truth is that whatever reason someone chooses to ghost you says far more about them and their character than about you. Your time is too precious to worry about what-if situations.
Action: When you treat others with the respect, you’ll find that it will come back to you.
Not asking for outside opinions on your profile
I know some people reading this will think that this bad habit is gender exclusive, but ladies, you’re guilty of this too! STOP over-filtering and/or using animal ears in all of your photos.
I once had a client come to me before working together talking about how she was tired of men who were only looking for hookups. When I looked at her profile it was mostly clubbing and bikini photos. I would NEVER shame someone for doing their thing, but if your profile is only attracting f*ck boys/girls, there might be a reason to switch it up.
Men, there’s a big likelihood that most of your photos are with your kids or your ex. If you can’t afford a professional photographer, then ask a friend to take a few photos of you the next time you’re out. Friendly reminder — most women aren’t a fan of fish photos, gym selfies, or shirtless pictures of your dirty bathroom mirror.
Action: The next time you’re at a bar, as someone of the opposite sex to give their opinion on your profile. It sounds scary, but everyone wants to help another person find love. They might even be a match for you. #youneverknow
Becoming negative about dating
This includes negative thinking about YOURSELF when it comes to dating. If you are unsure about yourself physically or emotionally, understand that is the impression you will inevitably broadcast while dating. Ensure your head is in the game before getting back out there. If you need a friendly push, here’s my recent article on how your dating mindset might be blocking you from meeting the one.
Also, if you’re constantly regarding your potential dates as “bad options” then that’s all you’ll see and you’ll likely pass over a few gems.
Action: If you’re feeling like there are areas of yourself/life that need work, then do the work! There’s nothing sexier than someone working on and taking care of themselves first. Having a positive mindset in your life will spill over into your dating experiences.
Not having a dating strategy
I know, I know, but having a strategy is not as intense as it sounds.
What I mean by having a dating strategy is this - you know what you want, what your dealbreakers are, and what you’re flexible on. Going on countless dates and being unsure of where you stand can leave you feeling lost — or worse — settling for someone with who you don’t have shared goals and core values.
Action: If you’re unsure of what you’re looking for exactly, download my free reflection journal.
