The Only Number You Should Say In The Bedroom
Experts define a sexless marriage as a couple having sex less than ten times a year. In a 2009 the New York Times estimated that 15% of marriages are sexless, but I have a feeling that statistic is much higher than reported.
Regardless of whether your marriage was sexless towards the end or you were having hate sex with your ex, you're probably looking to have more and BETTER sex than ever before.
So, after some time swiping on apps and playing the field you’ve found someone that you genuinely enjoy spending time with and you want to take it to the next level — the bedroom!
After a dozen or so exciting scenarios run through your mind, you may be thinking: (insert name) is a great kisser! I wonder how many people they’ve slept with. I hope the first time isn’t awkward or terrible.
When it comes to a partner in the bedroom everyone wants experience, but no one wants a roster.
It begs the question, "Does knowing a person’s 'body count' help or hurt a potential relationship?"
What is a “body count”?
The term body count has two meanings:
How many people you’ve had sex with.
How many people you’ve killed.
We’re only focusing on the second definition today. ;)
I am a firm believer in honesty and open communication in relationships. However, I believe nothing good comes from sharing the number of romantic partners you’ve had previously.
My reasoning? Many divorcees go through a period after their divorce where they have been so starved for emotional and physical connection that they go through a hoe phase. While others have only had one or two sexual partners their entire lives.
In either scenario, sharing your number can led your potential partner to jump to one of two conclusions:
You’re a hoe.
You’re a prude.
In a poll on Dating After Divorce’s Instagram account I asked, “Do you think sharing your body count (# of people you’ve slept with) with a current or future partner is a good idea?
19% said Yes
81% said No
My proposal:
The next time you want to ask someone what is the number of people they’ve been intimate with – do this instead – ask them “when was the last time you got tested?”
Better yet.
Follow up with, “would you be open to both of us getting tested so we can be safe while being intimate?”
Unsure about how to navigate this conversation? Email me.
If Planned Parenthood is accessible in your state, they are a great place to go and get tested together with your new partner. FUN FACT — this is where my husband and I both went to get tested before we took things to the next level in our relationship.
Here’s another resource to learn about STD/STI testing centers as well!
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