Dating Goal #1 - Don’t end up on unsolved mysteries!
“Dating Goal #1 - Don’t end up on unsolved mysteries!”
Hell yeah! You’ve hit it off with that cute person you matched with online! COVID-19 has not stripped you of all of your social skills yet! And you have a date set for this weekend!
As excited as you might be, it’s important to be careful as you dip your toes back into the dating pool.
You know that feeling you get in your stomach when something or someone feels a bit “off”? You might not be able to put your finger exactly on what it is, but you know something is wrong.
Some people call it intuition, others call it spidey sense. Regardless - DO NOT ignore this feeling! It’s an important survival instinct that will keep you safe while dating. Remember - you met this person on the Internet. The Internet is a really strange place full of really weird people. Your most recent dating app match could end up being your future spouse or your worst nightmare. So with this in mind, it’s incredibly important to always take the proper precautions.
Let me explain why with a cautionary tale...
Operation Fireball
I am a true crime nerd. I guess you can thank my mom for leaving Unsolved Mysteries on constant rotation on the TV as I was growing up. One of the reasons I talk about my hobby (if you’d call it that) is because it goes hand in hand with my profession - safety and privacy are things I consider to be incredibly important for my clients.
I was recently listening to the true-crime podcast called Crime Junkie and came across an episode known as “Operation Fireball”. It paints a terrifying picture of why dating safety, and paying attention to that feeling in the pit of your stomach, is so important.
Buckle up!
A young woman who was new to town got on a dating app to meet new people. She started talking to a guy, who said “why don’t we go out tonight and I’ll show you around?” She agreed as she didn’t know anyone and thought why not? She wasn’t doing anything else that evening. She got to the restaurant early, but her date was running late. He said why don’t you go ahead and order us two Fireball shots and I’ll be right there.
She thought this was a little strange but went with it. So, she waits at the bar with the two shots in front of her.
And waits. And waits.
She calls her date after getting a couple of confusing texts from him. He doesn’t pick up. Instead, she gets a voice recording that says that the line she’s been texting with is not a working number.
That’s weird.
Since arriving at the bar 30 minutes ago a gentleman had sat down a seat or two away from her. After hearing the woman say out loud, “Well, I guess I got stood up.” The fellow bar guest tries to console the woman in a friendly manner. He politely asks if he can move to the bar chair next to her to chat. She agrees.
She decides that although she has been stood up in a bizarre way, she’s already out - why not have dinner and a drink and then head home? Her new friend suggests treating her to dinner to make up for being stood up. He adds that they could move from the bar to the restaurant side, perhaps at a booth.
She politely declines.
At this point, her new “friend” appears to be no different than some lonely over-talkative bar patron. She even feels comfortable enough saying to him, “Hey, can you watch my purse and drink while I go to the bathroom?”
She goes to the bathroom, only to have the door burst open behind her. It’s a waitress. The waitress shares a story that is terrifying. She says that the gentleman she just met that is sitting beside her at the bar has done this same setup to multiple women at that very restaurant. The waitress and the bartender believe that this guy roofies his dates once they move from the bar to the booth out of sight. But they cannot prove anything.
What would you do in this situation? Would you trust this stranger at the bar? Or the waitress? Would you listen to that weird nagging feeling that something just wasn’t quite right?
Thankfully the woman was not harmed in this situation! But it brings up a lot of questions. For the full details, I HIGHLY recommend listening to the rest of the episode here.
This leads me to my #1 rule in dating safely - f*ck politeness. Shout out to the ladies of My Favorite Murder podcast for inspiring this tidbit.
F*cK politeness
Excuse my french, but truly, f*ck it.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying go out and be rude on a date, or to people in general. I am merely stating that if you have a gut feeling that something is off, you need to trust it.
Women especially have been taught to be polite and to not cause a scene. This unfortunately has led to people taking advantage of women throughout, well, all of recorded history.
You do not need to put yourself in compromising situations at the expense of hurting a basic stranger's feelings. If you don’t feel comfortable, it’s always important for you to put yourself first.
Ways to Stay Safe
I was recently on a podcast with therapist Anita Stoudmire discussing dating safety. You can check out the episode here.
Here are some of the many dating safety tips we discussed:
Do your due diligence. Google your date (or work with a matchmaker who personally vets dates and conducts background checks) to get a bit of background on the person you’re meeting.
Communicate your plan. Always let someone you fully trust know when, where, and who you’re meeting!
Meet them there. Always meet your date in a public place. Don’t have them pick you up.
Don’t overshare private information. Don’t mention your home or office address, names of friends and family, or any other personally identifiable information.
Ask for help. If you feel uncomfortable on your date enlist the help of a bartender or waiter to help get you out of the situation.
Pack mace! When push comes to shove, at the end of the day most women are not strong enough to fight off a larger man. I solo traveled across the world, and I never had to use it, but it was an excellent insurance policy.
Create a safety plan, stick to it, listen to your gut, but remember to have fun! That’s why you’re doing this in the first place!
