7 Signs You Have Dating Burn-Out

Has swiping become a chore?

Do you feel a bit of dread when you open up your dating apps after work in the evening while laying on the couch with your favorite show playing in the background? 

You’re not alone.

In a 2021 study conducted by the dating app Badoo, 78% of daters surveyed said they feel stressed and burned out from online dating. 

We’ve all been there. 

There are some bad dates or just “meh” dates that leave you feeling like no one is aligned with you and if they are, they're interest isn’t peaked for long enough to move from the “situationship” stage. 

I’ve had people say to me that their dating lives keep their married friends entertained, or better yet, my personal favorite “I’m the sacrificial lamb” to any single person my friends meet. 

Regardless of how many dates you’ve been on it can feel a bit hopeless when you keep putting yourself out there and nothing seems to work out.

So, let’s call a spade a spade. Shall we?

You're probably burnt the f*ck out. 

Here are the 7 signs that you might be burnt out from dating:

1. You find yourself “just going through the motions”
   If you find yourself not actually engaging with your date and instead just going out to go out this is for you. How do you think you’re showing up for yourself? You’re doing yourself a disservice, as well as your date if you're there, but not "present" when meeting someone new. 

2. It is affecting your mental health
   A silver lining of the pandemic is the normalization of discussing mental health. Not feeling well? That's okay. Most people aren't, but there's no shame in taking a break from taking and reaching out for help. 

3. You’re no longer practicing self care
   If you find yourself putting off self care routine, there may be a bigger issue than skipping the gym or your relaxing weekend decompress schedule. 

4. You’re still struggling with a past rejection
   Rejection never feels good. If theres still scar tissue from your divorce or a previous breakup it’s harder to move forward with a positive mindset. Instead of jumping right back into dating after a rejection, take some time to heal and space to figure out what you really want and deserve. 

5. You’re going out with people you’re not attracted to
   As you know, one of my top recommendations for dating after divorce is to go out with people who are the complete opposite of your ex. However this does not mean you should go out with people you’re not physically attracted to. In fact, that’s why I’m one of the few matchmakers I know that show photos to my matchmaking clients BEFORE they go out on a date with a potential match. Do I think physical attraction is everything? Hell no. Do I think there needs to be a little physical spark for there to be anything later? Abso-freaking-lutely. 

6. You feel a sense of dread before going on a first date
   If you feel something like “Oh no. Here we go again.” as you shut the door behind you, that’s a strong indication that you’re burnt out. There’s a big difference between butterflies and a knot in your stomach my friend.

7. You feel physically exhausted
   Sometimes our bodies tell us our limits before we want to admit it to ourselves. Listen to yours if you're pushing yourself to go out on one too many dates. After all you only have so much time in a day.

Here are 4 things to do when you’re feeling burnt out from dating:

1. Take a break!
   The simplest way to address burn out is taking a break. Put the apps on snooze (don’t completely delete — the algorithms don't favor people who do this) and you can reactivate after a little respite. 
   
   *Pro-tip*: Determine how long you’d like to take a break for beforehand, so you’re not tempted to reactivate one night after a little too much vino. Aim for one to two weeks for a complete reset. They’ll still be around when you come back!

2. Remind yourself why you’re dating in the first place
   You did not get divorced to settle, but just because you’re taking a break that doesn’t mean you’re giving up. You’ll come back when you’re ready. 

3. Set a limit on app time
   The average user of a dating app spends about 10+ hours a week swiping and talking online. Instead of being one of these people, add a screen time limit to your dating apps. Check out a quick video on how to do so here. 

4. Time to reevaluate your approach
   Sometimes a dating coach has to deliver the hard truth. The burn out from dating may have something to do with your approach. Book a consultation with me here to see if it’s a slight or large adjustment that may help you change your dating approach. 

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