5 Things Everyone Should Do Post-Divorce (or Break-up)
“As you move through this life and this world you change things slightly, you leave marks behind, however small. And in return, life—and travel—leaves marks on you. Most of the time, those marks—on your body or on your heart—are beautiful. Often, though, they hurt.” – Anthony Bourdain
Are you a busy working professional with a career, family, friends, and a plethora of other obligations that require your time, attention, and energy? Congratulations – you are not alone! Life can be challenging enough when things are going well – getting out of a marriage or a serious relationship can make things much more difficult to manage. The key to working through your transformation is to have a plan of attack that keeps you focused on what’s important (your personal growth) while keeping you accountable.
You probably made compromises in your past relationship, and likely stopped doing a lot of the things that brought you joy as a single person. Now is your time to find that passion again! Here are my suggestions for the 5 Things Everyone Should Do Post Divorce or Break-up;
Get a new hobby (or double-down on an old one)
Solo Travel (COVID style, of course)
Spend more time with friends and family
Go on a date with someone the COMPLETE opposite of your ex
Create an accountability plan that helps you move past your divorce
Get a new hobby. This can be something you stopped doing years ago or an activity that you have always dreamed of doing. I want you to do it. Putting yourself out there is the best way of shedding your old skin and giving you the ability to change into the next version of you. Your upcoming hobby does not need to be kickboxing or anything physical, (although a nice physique brings others with nice physiques), but it does need to be something that helps develop you.
Action: Have you always wanted to learn another language? (Check out Duolingo, Babbel). Have you wanted to brew your own beer, but your ex wouldn’t let you? Well…now is the time for that! Unsure of where to start? Read 75 Hobby Ideas for Men.
Solo Travel is the best way of feeling reinvigorated. For me, the best way of finding myself again is getting lost, literally. Considering we are living in the time of COVID, you’re gonna have to get a little creative. A solo weekend camping at the beach or in the mountains can go a long way. Here are the 36 best places to pitch a tent in the United States.
Action: Drive a few hours from where you live and just get out of your element. It’s amazing how being in a new environment can make you see yourself more clearly. Check out reasons to travel alone here. Check out some solo trip suggestions in the USA & around the world! Feel free to reach out to me at jade@datingafterdivorce.com if you’d like some help developing a solo travel itinerary that keys you up for personal growth.
Spend more time with friends and family is easier said than done. By this I mean – be present. Being present is something we take for granted. Make sure you put the phone down – limiting device use while you’re together with people you care about is a game-changer.
Action: Take some time to do something out of the ordinary with the ones you love, whether the activity is top golf, geocaching, or just watching a funny movie together.
Go on a date with someone the COMPLETE opposite of your ex. Even if your ex was your exact “type” this is an important exercise. I am not advising that you go out with someone you find unattractive, but she needs to be different. People evolve. What you were looking for when you met your ex may have changed too. You owe it to yourself to broaden your horizons to see who else is out there and what you may have missed before. This is a first step towards really understanding what your ideal relationship looks like.
Action: The same actions yield the same results, so let’s switch it up. Try out a new bar/restaurant with a friend & start a (socially distanced) conversation with a person you find intriguing. The next time you pass someone of interest in a store, practice chatting and ask their opinion between two items. Most importantly, get out of your element. There is no discovery within your comfort zone.
Need help putting together a dating plan? I got you covered.
Accountability – Take some responsibility for your break up. Whether your divorce, was mutual or amicable is irrelevant when it comes to you moving on. When you find yourself out on a date the biggest red flag you can wave is to speak ill of your ex, or the mother of your children.
Dates gauge potential partners in a multitude of ways, two of which are; how they speak of and to others. Your ex could be a literal snake in the grass. However, the first date is not where you air those grievances.
Action: Sign up for our weekly newsletter to receive a FREE interactive Dating After Divorce reflection journal bu submitting your email here.
Questions? Suggestions? Message me at jade@datingafterdivore.com
