I went on my first solo trip in the summer of 2015. I was backpacking through Europe after some major life changes. I distinctly remember an Italian waiter asking me with a slightly concerned smirk under his 5 o’clock shadow, “Your family lets you travel alone?” I sipped my Peroni and smiled. What are we in 1950? I thought. 

Prior to my Eat, Pray, Love moment I was a ‘Yes woman’. 

I thought that the way I showed love to those around me was by saying yes to everything. Until I found myself going along to get along so much that I didn’t recognize my life anymore. 

It may sound silly, but solo travel changed me. It changed me from saying yes to people, things, and places that I didn’t want to see or go to.

Solo travel allowed me to decide where, when, and how I wanted to go somewhere. It was my first step in breaking the cycle of people pleasing. It allowed me to gain control of my life again (better yet – for the first time).

It saved me. 

I recently took a mini-solo trip to the Outer Banks of North Carolina. It was a bit of a soul rejuvenation. Because as much as I love my new life, time and space away lets me reflect. There’s a deafening quietness about solo travel that allows you to sit in the uncomfortable a lot longer than if you were with people. 

I have a friend and colleague in the dating and relationship space who I thought would bring a great male perspective on the benefits of solo travel after a divorce. Daniel Herold is a divorced dad of three. He is one of the founders of the group Divorced Over 40 and a co-host of the podcast Divorce Doesn’t Suck.

Here’s what Daniel had to say about traveling solo after his divorce: 

What was your favorite solo trip?
“My favorite and lone solo trip was my climb of Mt. Kilimanjaro. It had always been a dream of mine of summiting that mountain after seeing it for the first time in person while on a church mission trip 6-7 years ago.”

Did you take solo trips before your divorce?
“No! I never really thought that it was something that people do. And now I’m definitely pro-solo trips whether you are single or in a relationship.”

How have solo trips helped you in your life after divorce?
“I think they offer perspective. If you do one for the first time, they’re scary at first!   But if you plan well, you’ll navigate it just fine, and you learn a great deal about yourself and your ability to overcome any fears or doubts that you can do it.”

Why do you think solo trips are important?
“They offer the ability to overcome your fears, to explore other cultures and people, and to learn more about yourself. Sure, you’ll meet a ton of people along the way and potentially create some new pen pal friendships, but you also have plenty of time to yourself, and that offers you the opportunity to rest & reflect.”
 

How can you communicate with a new partner that solo trips are something you'd still like to continue doing?
“If this is important to you, it’s something you should sit down and communicate with your partner if you both decide to be exclusive.   It’s a great opportunity to share why you want to do it (or continue to do it), plus you can address any issues that your partner may have. You never know – perhaps you will inspire your partner to start doing solo trips themselves!”

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