Only Going on First Dates? READ THIS.
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” - Maya Angelou
What's the difference between a good first date and a bad one?
Well, MANY things, but a huge indicator is how you feel after the date. Are you smiling and feeling a bit more giddy than usual? Do you wake up the next day wondering if they sent that, “Thanks for a great time!” text?
What’s the deciding factor if your date wants a second meeting?
How you made them feel.
If you’re only going on first dates with little to no second dates, there’s a disconnect between how you THINK the date went and how it actually went. So how do we find the disconnect?
Let’s start from the beginning.
How do you perceive dating?
The way you feel about dating dictates your dating experience. If you look at dating as if it’s an obligation or chore, it will be. You’ll look at the person across from you as if they aren’t ticking the boxes, instead of the opportunity to meet someone new and exciting. It’s quite possible that your face and/or tone is expressing this as well, and honey - nobody's time is more or less valuable than yours. We’re all out here just looking for our person, so remember to be kind.
If this sounds like you, it could be time for a mindset set shift (think of it as an old school etch-a-sketch) . Instead of looking at dating as if it’s something you HAVE to do, look at it as something you GET to do. You get to have these new experiences and perspectives from people that you never would have otherwise met.
How can you ensure you’re putting your best self out there on a first date?
You can never predict how a date is going to go exactly, but you CAN do some things to make a good date even better and a bad date more bearable!
Dress the part
Make fun plans
Ask them questions
Confidence is key
Dress the part
Putting a little effort into getting ready for a date really goes a long way. Ladies, I recommend something you feel comfortable and CONFIDENT in! I always suggest having a “just in case” bag ready for a random happy hour. Gentlemen, I suggest something business casual. I do not recommend showing up in shorts and a t-shirt. When a guy shows up in shorts and a t-shirt it gives the impression of the man not trying to impress the (hetero) woman at all. Save the basketball shorts for the court.
Make fun plans
Making plans to do an activity besides just grabbing coffee or drinks gives you two the opportunity to joke around and have fun in a playful way. Dating can really feel like an interview, so take the stress off by doing something out of the ordinary like a walking tour, arcade bar, or ax throwing.
Looking for fun date ideas in your city? Email me @ jade@datingafterdivorce.com and I’ll send you my top suggestions for your area!
Ask them questions
Asking your date questions about themselves gives them the chance to open up and feel more comfortable with you. Have a few questions if there's a lull in the conversation. Remember to listen and respond to what your date is saying, instead of just waiting for your chance to speak.
Be sure to talk about what you’re passionate about. Men and women are drawn to people who have passion. Share what you’re passionate about with your date and see if they have similar interests or a different one!
Confidence is key
Bar-none the #1 thing women and men look for in a partner is confidence. Check out our previous article ‘5 ways to date with confidence post divorce (or breakup)’ to make sure you’re comfortable and ready to get back out there!
What does post-date etiquette look like?
If you enjoyed yourself - don’t play games. Send that “Thanks for a fun evening!” text tonight or tomorrow!
If you don’t see it working out between you two, send a text like - “Hey (insert name). It’s been really nice getting to know you, but I just want to be upfront that I don’t see this going anywhere. I wish you the best in the future.”
For the love of God - please be mature enough not to ghost them. Check out our guide to ghosting for some helpful advice on what to do if YOU are ghosted.
Things to NOT do if you want a second date
Speak at your date for the entire time.
Criticize the waiter and/or restaurant.
Discuss religion, politics, or finances.
Talk about your ex.
Continuously check your phone.
Get schwasted (you laugh, but people do).
Be too sexually aggressive (if it’s not mutual lay off, read the room bro).
Answer the phone when your mother calls.
Friendly reminder - unless someone made you uncomfortable, I always suggest giving someone a chance for a second date. I’ve mentioned in the article ‘3 dating rules I broke when I met my fiance’ that my fiancé and I did NOT have a great first date. It actually wasn’t until the 3rd date that I realized I liked him. People get nervous when it comes to dating. Allowing the opportunity for a second date is a game-changer.
To sum it up, first impressions really are everything. If you’re not going to put in the effort for a first date, why show up at all?
Dating is a numbers game after all. MOST of the people you go out with will not be your future partner, but this doesn’t mean you can’t have a fun experience with someone new!