Are Assumptions Killing Your Dating Life?
There's an old saying that when you “assume” something, you make an ass out of you and me.
But assumptions aren’t just about name-calling. When it comes to dating, they're a natural way for us to try to make sense of new people and experiences. Assumptions have played a huge role in human evolution. They make it easy for our brains to quickly sort things into buckets based upon our past experiences. Runaway from anything that looks like a bear. Things that look like an apple usually taste good. Stuff like that.
But could these assumptions actually be hurting us instead of protecting us?
Yes. Absolutely. 100%. Assumptions become problematic when left unchecked because they inevitably lead us toward what is comfortable and familiar. This is why you end up dating people who look like/act like your exes. So how do you overcome a brain that is hardwired to make you repeat what didn’t work in the past?
Intentional dating takes vulnerability.
Being vulnerable while dating means checking your first impressions (assumptions) at the door. Does this include that feeling in your stomach about someone being unsafe? Hell no, visit this article to brush up on your dating safety by the way.
Maybe your first impression of someone wasn’t correct, or maybe you took something they said in the wrong context. Maybe you are taking previous life experiences and framing this new situation in a completely irrelevant way.
So, what are assumptions when it comes to dating?
Here are a few dating assumptions I’ve seen:
Assuming someone isn’t looking for something serious if they’ve never been married by 40.
Assuming a woman wouldn’t have time to date as a single mother.
Assuming someone with tattoos can’t have a serious career.
Assuming someone with fishing/hunting pictures is a conservative Republican.
Assuming someone with they/them/theirs pronouns in their profile is a trans person.
Assuming a dad that does not have custody of his children means that he is an awful parent.
Assuming that someone who has been divorced twice is incapable of taking marriage seriously.
So, how can you stop getting in your own way when it comes to dating?
The next time you find yourself judging someone via an assumption whether via text, call, or in-person ask one of these two questions.
“What do you mean?”
“Can you tell me more about that?”
This is something that, if implemented correctly, can change not just your dating life, but other areas personally and professionally as well.
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